


Time Enough at Last

by SBG



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Episode Tag, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-31
Updated: 2015-03-31
Packaged: 2018-03-20 13:12:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3651624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SBG/pseuds/SBG
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Danny realized his mistake too late; Steve wondered if he'd made his own mistakes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Time Enough at Last

**Author's Note:**

> It didn't take me this long to write a 5x18 episode tag, it just took me this long to get around to it.

It was true what they said about a person’s life flashing before his eyes in the moments before death, only for him it wasn’t flashing so much as a long, never-ending replay. He’d made his choices along the path that had led him to this slowest of deaths, he knew that he didn’t have right to have any regrets now. It was too late for that. At one point, he was sure he deserved nothing less than a painful demise. For months, it was all he could think about, actually, the guilt eating at him like a cancer metastasizing until he was sure there was only one way to make it right. Make it all go away, really. All he wanted was peace and hadn’t known how to get there. He’d tried pulling himself out of that, toward the good things he still had. It should have worked. Grace. Steve, oh, shit, Steve, sorry, _so sorry_. 

Danny had had plenty of time to consider the multiple ways he was guilty, why his death was justified and why he had to choose this path. From the moment Marco Reyes had sauntered into his home, all oily charm and open threats, Danny knew there was nothing redeemable about the guy. He also knew that he himself was the only person the planet who felt any genuine need for justice for the guy. Not Alexander or the agency he claimed to be speaking for. Not Steve. If it was true that Reyes had a family, maybe them, but not in the same way he felt. Not.

An eye for an eye. An end. 

Danny had settled on that, because he was tired. He was exhausted and guilty and when given the opportunity to end that feeling which had been hanging over him for months, he had taken it not eagerly, but easily. Too easily. He couldn’t breathe, the air heavy with humidity, his ribs bruised, maybe cracked already. He felt the sweat trickle down his back and shivered at the sound of Grace’s frantic, worried voice. His whole world tunneled into the knowledge that his daughter was scared because of him, would have to live with his last words being rushed and useless, too removed from her to impart how much love he had for her. Hurry, he had to hurry and tell her what she already knew. She was his life, his reason for living. Oh, goddamnit, what had he done?

Though he knew the temperature was sweltering, far hotter than it ever got on the islands, Danny felt cold. Shock, maybe. Numbness settled over him as the slow death suddenly seemed all too fast, the phone - _Grace_ \- taken away from him too soon, too, shit, shit. He got it now, what he hadn’t before. He was wrong, he was a selfish son of a bitch. Grace, Gracie. Steve. He couldn’t take it back, his need to die to make it better, and he wasn’t going to last. There wasn’t time, now. He knew this. Already weakened from the stress, flight, from having already endured several beatings. Danny needed to fight, for Grace, for Steve. He couldn’t. It was too late now and he was sorry, but it was. 

The guards didn’t hold back this time, fueled by rage that he wasn’t the meal ticket they thought him to be. Gone were the hazy images of growing up, little Mattie his unshakeable shadow. The first time he had held Grace, a squalling red thing. The first punch he’d laid into Steve, who he already had known instantly was going to change his life. All he saw was Grace’s face in that classroom as the Marshals carted him away in fucking handcuffs, and again in the courthouse, Steve looking shocked and horrified, fighting, fighting when Danny had not. In some ways, that was worse, since he and Steve were new. Together, new, god he hadn’t thought … he wanted together, old, with Steve. He wasn’t going to get it, and he was so damn sorry. He shouldn’t have –

“ _Remalparido_ ,” one of them hissed. “ _Hijueputa!_ ”

Maybe it was all of them. He couldn’t tell, their words coming as furiously as their kicks. Soon, his world was only all-consuming pain, almost uniform from all directions. His body started to shut down, absorb the blows with dulled nerves, until a kick to his left kidney came so sharp through his body’s protective shutdown that he couldn’t withhold the scream. It was a dam breaking, all of the pain and sorrow then flooded out of him unchecked, until he sounded more animal than human. 

This wasn’t justice, he thought wildly, but penance. He pulled further into himself, an automatic physiological reaction to the assault, arms curled around his head. Eyes shut tight, his only sense working through the agony began to grow fuzzy. 

“ _¡Deténgase!_ ” was the last clear thing he heard as everything went abruptly dark. 

There was sound, muffled, wrong, pulling at him. Voices. It was voices and they floated above him, came too rapid and far away for him to understand the words. The tone was easier to glean – urgency and tension filled every voice. Danny had some vague idea he should be concerned, his cop instinct told him he should find out what was wrong and help. He edged toward consciousness, hovered just near it but couldn’t seem to break through. A hard press against his ribcage had his body singing with sudden pain. Instead of waking, he rushed headlong back into unconsciousness.

The first thing he became fully aware of was how his whole body ached and, quickly following that a vague sense that he should be grateful it was bearable pain, not like the agony it had been before. He was on something relatively soft, which gave a little under his mass but he wouldn’t call comfortable. He could tell without opening his eyes that he was somewhere with people nearby, though they sounded distant as well. He felt like he should know where he was. He didn’t. Somewhere just beyond the low grade pain level and confusion, Danny thought he felt a careful, strong hold on his right forearm. The touch a steady presence, comforting. It almost made him open his eyes.

But he was so tired. He felt like he hadn’t rested for months, not in any substantive way. Instead of following the lure of wakefulness, he stayed in that twilight place, not awake or asleep. Safe, at peace. Not alone. Danny even convinced himself that his bedside companion whispered for him to sleep, just sleep, that he was okay now. Would be.

There was no surprise to find Steve next to him, when he finally did return to the world. Danny flicked his attention to his surroundings quickly first, hospital, then stared at his partner, eyes bleary, for a good minute. He frowned at the stubble, the shadows under Steve’s eyes visible even as he dozed. Steve’s hand was on his arm, that constancy he had come to rely on. He wanted to take that hand, wrap it in his own. Heard now the voices around him were speaking Spanish, knew a minimum display of affection was probably for the best. His body suffered an encompassing flashback, of hard kicks and blows. He tried to stifle his moan, failed. He watched Steve stir.

“Hey,” Danny said as Steve opened his eyes. Those last minutes, all of his regret, flooded through him. “Sorry. ‘m sorry.”

Steve gave him a genuine smile, relief evident. Something else there, too. So much was always on Steve’s face. 

“I need you to know something,” Steve said slowly, all hurt and love to go with that haunted expression of his. He swallowed hard, glanced down for a second, then up to meet Danny’s gaze with everything, _everything_ in his eyes. “I don’t know if I could have handled it if this had ended differently.”

They’d made such strides, before. He’d made a mistake. The opportunity to assuage some of his own guilt over Reyes had made him forget everything else. Push what he and Steve had only just acknowledged between them right out of his consideration until it was too late. Danny knew this, he knew that their unspoken agreement to be honest with each other. He owed Steve an explanation, a month’s worth of apologies. He would deliver both, but he didn’t want to do it here. 

“I know.” Danny defied prudence, went ahead and fumbled for Steve, pulled until their joined hands rested above his beating, alive heart. Penance mostly done. “Can you please take me home now?”

Steve rubbed his thumb along Danny’s knuckles. His jaw ticked a few times, but he nodded.

H50H50H50

He would have been surprised to find out Joe’s source, the reason for all of the furtiveness and secrecy, was anyone but Doris. He had been looking for confirmation rather than information, really, and he had gotten it. He understood her motivation was for her son. In her own way, Steve supposed it her trying to show him her love, but it wasn’t in the way “normal” people would. More to the point, the expected revelation didn’t make him trust Joe more – trust was earned, not cajoled out of a person. Foundations built on lies weren’t reliable, and Steve was wholeheartedly sick of putting his faith in people who always managed to let him down in one way or another.

He returned his attention to the happy father/daughter reunion, watched with bittersweet fondness. Looking at Danny and Grace, there would never be any question of their adoration of each other. It was a beautiful thing to behold anytime, what he envied most of Danny’s, but especially today. After nearly a week recovering in Ecuador – he’d wanted Danny out of Colombia as fast as possible even if he couldn’t travel all the way home – he knew both of them needed this time. There _was_ time enough now, and he was going to make sure there always would be. He knew without a doubt the lengths Danny would go to for Grace and for him, now, too. He held onto that, had to believe there was truth in it.

Unlike with Joe and Doris, his foundation with Danny was solid. It had to be. Steve needed it to be more than he’d needed almost anything else in his life, yet a few minutes ago Danny had told him something that made him think maybe there were cracks. He knew Danny _had_ waived extradition in part for Grace, for him but now he also knew Danny had needed to punish himself. And he understood. He did. He knew Danny was not built like him and couldn’t see what had happened with Reyes was a necessity rather than a choice, justice rather than a slaying. He understood Danny’s need to alleviate that guilt, even as he considered that guilt misplaced. What he couldn’t quite grasp was Danny’s willingness to abandon those he loved to do it. It wasn’t the Danny he knew who’d done that, which made his heart ache and his brain question so many things. 

“Well, I’m going to go then,” Joe said.

“Thanks, Joe,” Steve said and meant his gratitude. He glanced at the other man, gave him a nod. They’d gotten Danny back in no small part due to Joe’s help. “Later.”

“Later.”

When Steve returned his attention to Danny and Grace, he saw his partner’s energy was already flagging. In the past month or so, since they’d been honest with each other and their mutual feelings, he had become more attuned than ever at reading Danny’s body language. From a distance, he could make out the tension in Danny’s shoulders, the deepening lines on his pale face. He might have some new insecurities about where he and Danny were headed, but that didn’t mean he was going to run away. Not this time. And right now, Danny needed him. 

Grace looked over to him, her eyes huge and worried. If he hadn’t already taken his first step toward his partner, her expression would have gotten him moving. Danny had improved so much since the hospital – Danny so broken, so still – but he had a long way to go in his recovery. Steve had seen people in many worse conditions than Danny had been in not three days ago, yet never had he been so rocked by it. It was then, he realized, that he’d started losing his footing. 

“I hate to cut this short,” Steve said as he approached Danny and Grace, “but I think one of you needs a nap. And I’m not talking about Grace.”

“Uncle Steve,” Grace said. Her smile was bright and real, a sight to behold. She got off of the small bench and launched herself at him with almost as much enthusiasm as she’d greeted Danny. Wrapping her arms around him, she whispered, “Thank you for bringing him home.”

“Anytime, sweetheart.”

Anytime, anywhere. Danny had almost died, thousands of miles out of his reach, for no good reason, and seeing him like that had left Steve a mess. Too many days’ worth of adrenaline had dumped out of him, left him weak at the knees. Whatever his reaction, it had to be a fraction of what Grace had gone through. Steve flicked his eyes to Danny, his partner looking at him and Grace with affection … and also pain. He pulled out of the hug, but kept a hand on Grace’s shoulder. He was sure Danny loved him, he could see laid bare on his face; he just didn’t know if they were on a level playing field. He was so far gone himself, he also wasn’t sure it mattered unless he made it matter. 

“Excuse me, do I have a say in this?” Danny said, but the bluff and bluster was nowhere near where it should be.

“No,” Steve said, at the exact moment Grace said it.

Danny gave them a funny look, half amused and half annoyed. He stood slowly, waved both him and Grace off when they moved to give him an assist if need be, scowled when neither of them backed off very far. 

“I’m fine, really.”

He wasn’t, but Steve wasn’t going to argue the point, not in front of Grace. With a kidney that had sustained a sizeable tear (not taking into consideration the moderate concussion, all of the severe bruises and broken ribs), he knew Danny was lucky to be alive. If they hadn’t gotten him exonerated when they did, he was certain Danny would have died from his injuries. Danny might have come to terms with that, perhaps even embraced it at one point, but Steve hadn’t. He doubted he ever would. It was monumentally different for Danny to put himself in precarious situations than for he himself to do it. 

“I know you are. Humor your daughter, okay?” Steve said as he placed a hand in the middle of Danny’s back. 

The lack of real protest would have been alarming on its own, but beneath his hand Steve felt his partner’s muscles tremor. Danny was barely holding it together. A too-early release from the hospital followed by a grueling flight back to the islands had worn him out; Steve could just about see the virtual wall Danny was about to hit. Neither of them wanted that to happen with Grace right there, too fragile from nearly losing her father.

“Listen, I’ll see you more tomorrow, Monkey,” Danny said, his voice wavering just enough to be worrisome.

“Okay, Danno,” Grace said, tremulous in return. She pinned her eyes on Steve, wide and asking.

“I’ll take care of him, Gracie,” Steve said. 

Steve felt Grace’s gaze on them as he ushered Danny to the truck and helped him in. He returned her wave goodbye with a smile. Though he did regret pulling Danny away so quickly, it was the lesser of two evils. Next to him, Danny had practically melted into the seat with his eyes closed and whole body shivering. He drove to Danny’s house, trying to banish his doubts to the far reaches of his mind. He’d dissect everything else later. He sneaked frequent looks at his partner, making sure he was still there.

Danny was less shaky than before but compliant when they got to the house, allowing Steve to guide him in and back to the bedroom. Wordlessly downed the pain pills Steve pushed in his hand. He didn’t say a word as Steve slipped his shoes off, then his pants and dress shirt. Steve felt Danny’s eyes on him, glanced up to see Danny smiling at him. It was almost like before. Before Danny had professed his love and then left him to fulfill a death wish.

“Stay,” Danny said.

Steve nodded, took off his shoes and climbed fully-clothed into bed next to Danny. He was drawn to Danny’s warmth, proof of life. He couldn’t seem to help himself, curling into Danny, gently hugging his partner. He watched Danny’s features smooth, his eyes closing. He couldn’t stop looking at Danny, an irrational fear that he’d disappear niggling at the edges of his brain right next to the doubt.

“I’m sorry.” Danny’s whisper was loud. 

“Danny.”

“No, let me.” Danny shifted, gingerly moved until he was facing Steve. He stared at him with intensity. “I know you’ve had too many people who claim to love you leave. I can’t have you believing that I’m one of them. It wasn't about you, it was about me. It's still about me and this ... thing inside me I was trying to get rid of."

“You didn't have to do it alone, Danny. I would have..."

Done anything.

"I know,” Danny said, his smile growing warmer. “And I love you for that. I _love you_. I'm not leaving.”

Steve read the truth in Danny’s eyes, immutable love shining through all of the pain, the guilt, the loss. Something in him relaxed, not completely, but a start. He brushed his fingertips against Danny’s bruised face. There was time, he reminded himself. He had Danny back and there was time enough. He kissed the corner of Danny’s mouth, tucked him closer, and relished the gusts of breath against his neck as Danny eased into sleep. 

“I love you, too,” Steve said.


End file.
